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160 | 365 Balance

10 years ago today a great challenge was before me. On one hand I was compelled to care for my wife in labour with our first child. On the other hand was my desire to watch Team New Zealand defend the America’s cup. Trust me, balancing the two, while at a hospital is very difficult.
 
Today that baby girl is 10 and she too is balancing. Only her balance is physical on an imitation Rip-stick. I tried it out tonight. Trust me, balancing on two wheels is very difficult, particularly for an old guy like me.
 
Yesterday I was speaking to a person who used the term “work-life balance”. It’s a fascinating term. Work-life balance almost implies that you work and then you have a life. Life is far more complex than just work or life. Sports, family, children, finances, churches, work, friends, exercise, relaxing, entertainment, hobbies and the list goes on.
 
For me there is a continual struggle to balance all of the facets of life. Not just work and everything else. Maybe, we have the wrong term. What if instead of teaching people to have work-life balance, maybe we need to teach people to have “whole-life balance”.
 
Whole life balance I suspect is harder than balancing a wife in labour and the Americas cup, or an old guy riding a rip-stick.
 
Whole life balance. Provocative?

148 | 365 - 'Roundabout of Life'

A roundabout. Have you ever been a passenger in car when they decide to just keep going around and around a roundabout? You fly past exit after exit and just end up in the same place. With each rotation you feel both fun and sickness.

A roundabout. That’s what life feels like sometimes. It feels like you work exceedingly hard on this one big project or problem and then end up right back where you started. Doing the same thing again and again.

And again.

There are exits for sure, opportunities to succeed, to love, to step out. Opportunities bring risk and danger, so most of the time we just stay on the roundabout of life, with this strange fun, sick feeling.

I’ve thought a lot about Carpe Diem in the last few weeks. ‘Seize the Day”. I’ve been trying to make something of relevance, of importance, happen every single day. It doesn’t matter how small it is, I make a change for the better. It’s hard, but it helps me feel like I am moving forward, not being stuck on the roundabout.

When we do something small each day, soon big things happen. And we look back on our days and see progress, not just more of the same.

I took this picture on my way home from a meeting at 10:30pm. I hadn’t taken a photo yet. But at least the day was NOT a roundabout day. It was a day of small steps.

And I've regretted it the rest of my life.

There she sat taking in the sights and sounds of the Pacific Ocean breaking against the sun soaked sand below her. A son or son-in-law, or just younger man who cared, had wheeled her to the top of the sand dunes where she admired the ocean in a way all of us have throughout our years.

My daughter and I approached from the beach, sand clinging to our feet, smiles locked to our faces.

As we walked past her we caught just the briefest part of woman's conversation. The slightest hint of a deeper conversation she was having with the younger man. A story was being discussed that was both sad and profound.

"I really wanted to go, but I was just that little bit tired, and I've regretted it the rest of my life," she said.

I heard no more than those words. I have no idea what she regretted, but she could have done it, was tired and now will regret it, possibly until she dies.

As I strolled away, I loved the way she said those words, and the words washed over me. I wondered what things will we choose not to do. Because we are tired or can't be bothered, or just because...

What things will we live to regret.

I hope that her words will echo into my life. I hope they will impact my relationships and my time.

"I really wanted to go, but I was just that little bit tired, and I've regretted it the rest of my life."

Tiny drops of energy...

I have often heard of a bucket or tank being used to describe energy in life.

At the bottom of the bucket are leaks, small drips that drain energy, reduce it.  If my bucket gets to empty, completely empty, then my passion dies, drip.

I stop enjoying life, drip.

Or worse, I become a DRIP.

If the bucket is full, I bounce around the world. On fire. With passion.

If life is like a bucket of energy, it would be good to know what builds into it. And what reduces it.

So I started to focus on reducing the leaks, patching them up, stopping the drain of energy. With hindsight I see that it doesn’t solve the problem at all. If my energy is all but gone, stopping the leaks just slows the process of turning into one giant drip.

Of course, what a drip I am! So I focus on filling my bucket. I start searching for a tap, or a fire hose. A quick refill.  Anything instant.

But it too is allusive.

Then today as I try to take pictures of water drops in the rain. I realise energy comes one drop at a time.

Drop,

Drop,

Drop.

Once you have more drops coming in, that drips leaking out, your bucket starts to fill, your energy rises.

I’m sorted now of course. Most lakes and rivers are filled one drop of water at a time, I just need to hunt for drops, not drips. I would prefer steady rain of course.

Then it hit me. As my energy drips away, as my bucket gets empty, I become more of a drip. Then, I can become a drip to other people. I start draining their energy.

I realised that I need drops of energy, so that I can give drops of energy.

And I need to give drops of energy, so that I can get drops of energy.

This week I resolve to go in search of drops of energy.

What will I be doing in 15 years time?

Interesting question isn’t it? I often struggle to know what I will be doing next week, and in moments of absolute brilliance, I might do some top level thought into next 3 – 5 years.

I’m skim reading a book called “Total Leadership” at the moment and one of its exercises is to write down what your life and leadership will amount to in 15 years.

15 years is a long way away.

In 15 years, I will have been married for 27 years!

In 15 years, my eldest daughter will be 24!

In 15 years, I don’t want to be doing the same things I am doing now.

In 15 years, I want to have made a significant impact on the world.

It is an interesting think about 15 years from now. I have never done it before, but I sense that it will help give perspective to the small issues I currently face.

Metaphorical mountains

I was chatting with friends this week about mountains

Metaphorical ones.

Those huge obstacles in front of us. Projects, struggles, illnesses, financial problems, relationship issues … things that seem too BIG to handle.

We were discussing about how we often cry out to God and ask him to pick them up and through them into the sea. To make them go away.

And yet we need to climb mountains. They are good for us and through them we learn heaps and are cultivated and grown.

The problem with mountains is often the obstacle in front of us, is the issue of the moment.

We forget about what the view from the top of the mountain will be like.

We forget the satisfaction that comes from making it to the top.

We forget that climbing mountains is worth it.

We just see the obstacle!

Maybe when we remember how good the mountain can be for us, we will stop asking for it to be taken away, be thankful for it.

Maybe we will then focus on the more important task of getting to the top.
 

Summer Reading.

Took a few books away with me to read while at the beach. As normal, took too many books with me. Will post a summary, maybe, once I have read them.

• The Appeal - John Grisham
• Constructing Artistic Integrity - Kim Barbour
• The End of Charity - Nic Frances
• Jesus wants to save Christians - Rob Bell & Don Golden
• Tipping Point - Malcom Gladwell
• Growing Great Girls - Ian & Mary Grant
• View from the Summit - Sir Edmond Hillary

Varying topics and reasons for reading. Will be interesting,

Blinks and Sunglasses

It was a stunning day. 27 degrees, warm water and a gentle breeze flowing from the shore out to the deep blue Pacific Ocean. The location is Sonaisali Island Resort just 500m off the Fiji mainland.

Sitting on the shoreline the Hobbie Cat was geared up and in the offering. How could I resist? I donned the obligatory life jacket and haul the boat into the gentle swell.

In an instant, a blink if you will, I made the decision to wear my expensive prescription sunglasses on the boat. I mean the wind and sea state was such that there was simply no way I could capsize the boat.

So I push off, sheet in the Main and sail at a lazy almost meaningless pace off down past the resort. It is after all a holiday and even the wind seems to work on Fiji time.

Sometime and distance later round the boat downwind and prepare to jibe. It is at this point that I notice for the first time that the tiller extension has undergone some Fijian style refurbishment that has left it practically impossible to cross the boat with the extension in my grip. I grab the tiller bar and complete the job, the sheet in for a long slow broad reach.

I then lean out of the back of the boat to recover the tiller extension when Slip … Slop … Splash … my glasses fall into the now very murky water. I lurch out to grab them, then make a decision to fully commit to their recovery.

Moments later after diving into the water and trying to swim to the bottom with a lifejacket on. Yip. I quickly become aware that the glasses are lost at sea. I stand up and find the water is chest deep then turn to see the boat is slowly making its way seaward without me. Oh yeah, one of the first things I was taught about sailing. ALWAYS stay with the boat unless it sinks.

Now had the wind been any stronger the sail would have circum and flapped in the breeze. Not today. Just enough wind so I couldn’t dog paddle after it. Just enough wind so I couldn’t swim then stop for a break. I tried both and each time the boat sailed off.

I had to put in some serious swimming to finally catch the boat, round it into wind and pull my water logged body back on board. Heavier and darker!

Thus ended the first morning of my holiday and now here is the strange implication:

Sometimes we make blink decisions (deciding to wear my glasses); that lead to bigger decisions and commitments (going in after my glasses); that lead to a whole heap of extra work (swimming after the boat).

Sometimes our blinks are wrong!   

Too Much time thinking...

What is my Holy Discontent? What is it that I am placed on this planet to achieve? Not why do I exist; I know that, rather what I’m going to be known for.

I found myself asking questions like the ones above a couple of times in the last week. The first was at a funeral I attended last week. They lady who had died was a lovely lady and raised two great sons on her own after her husband died. They said she was caring and loving and kind and generous.

As I considered these things I was reminded again that they are attributes I really want to have. But, for me personally, they are not enough. I really want to make an impact on this world or more specifically this region. OK well maybe a significant dent.

The second time was on the flight to Melbourne. I listened to an audio book of Holy Discontent by Bill Hybels. In the book he asks what is it you bugs you the most? What really annoys you? What lights a fire in your belly that you can’t ignore? As I consider these things there are a few things I know a few things for sure.

I know it includes agoge, but that agoge is a means not an end.

I know that it is not about me.

I know that it is about people reaching their full potential, leadership I guess.

I know that my heart aches for justice and mercy and those in poverty.

I know even now my hard work is preparation for the cause.

I know I will give my time and money and energy.

I don’t know yet exactly how it all comes together, but I am also confident that it is a work in progress and in time it will be revealed. I think it has to do with showing, enabling and equipping people to make a difference without giving up their day jobs, but by doing more than just sending a cheque.

I had a moment.

It’s called a moment.

And it often only lasts an instant.

Its defined as “an indefinitely short period of time.”

a moment.

Recently I had a moment. A time where I sat down and thought about some of the things I want to try and fit into a week. Good things generally. Things that I know will make me, by my own high expectations, a better human.

A better leader. Dad. Husband. Friend. Things that will help me to impact the world I live in more positively.

Things like journaling; which for me is a blend of slowing down and spiritual growth.

Or exercise: which relieves stress, fills my lungs with fresh air and generally makes me more productive.

Or reading; which challenges my thinking, sharpens me, keeps me at the edge and ahead of my team.

Finally writing; I have this desire to learn to write creatively, passionately and evocatively.

Now what I realised in this moment was two things. Firstly each of these things takes between 3 and 4 hours a week to do them well. That’s 12 – 16 hours a week before I start work or spend time with family or fly planes or anything. No wonder I never fit it all in.

Secondly I realised that I have never really nailed down which of these I am really passionate about and built a strong resolve to do them. The result is that they all happen sporadically, just like this blog.

I know I need to resolve to change things, but I haven’t. If I am not careful another 6 months will pass before I have another … moment.

I hope not.

Day Light Savings

This is old news, but I didn't realise until my Flight manual had to be updated.

New Zealanders will soon be able to enjoy more summer days. The Government has decided to extend daylight saving another three weeks, to a 27-week period.

Daylight savings now starts in the last Saturday of Sep (used to be First Sunday of Oct), and ends on the first Sunday of April (used to be Third Sunday of Mar).

Cool. I think.

Catching up on blogging.

Its been awhile and I am catching up on reading other people blogs. I stumbled across this image which is amazing. Its a ship encountering the forces of nature. Have a look at the other two shots here.

Blogging from a cellphone

I (agoge) purchased 2 second hand imate k-jam phones off trademe this week.

V cool and now I can blog direct from my cellphone.

Don't get too excited not sure if it will lead to more frequent posts ...

Natures artwork

The sun was persistently making its way towards setting, casting long shadows that ducked and dived over lush green rolling hills that were intermingled with native bush. No artwork or picture can capture such beauty.

Just 30 minutes later, the sun had set and its intensity was made known by illuminating some high streaky strata cloud with beautiful reddish orangey bands of light. The cloud twisted and turned just a little to create an incredible image that only a few privileged people would enjoy that day. In minutes they would be gone and never reappear.

These images made me thankful for my life.

They were an incredible birthday present!

Nature, floods and awe!

One of my friend's parents could not get home the other day because of the flooding in the Far North and for some reason I had this urge to fly over the region and see it first hand. I love floods, they amaze me! If only I had my pilots licence and fine weather and spare time I am sure I would have done it - Yeah Right.

It is funny how we are often drawn to want to see natural disasters. I guess floods blow my mind for the same reasons that we are drawn to sit by rivers, stand on a wind blown rocks gazing out into the pacific ocean, look in marvel at the full moon or to sit on mountain tops and soak in the view.

I think in all of us, seeing the disaster or the view or feeling the wind reminds us that there is a force in the universe greater than us. That there are beautiful and awe-inspiring things in our life everyday that we take for granted.

For me it makes me feel human and reminds me, yet again, I don't spend enough time soaking in creation.

Aerobatic NZ airforce style!

Last week I saw video footage at the "Flawless Execution" seminar I attended, of the Blue Angels doing aerobatics in fighter jets at 900km per hour, 45 cm wing tip to wing tip. It was amazing.

This week I see in the NZ herald the below picture of the NZ airforce doing aerobatics in their training aircraft.

Not quite the same is it!

Is it a rock, a stone or a pebble?

When you look at this picture what do you see? What does it bring to mind?

I found this rock/stone/pebble while sitting on the sea wall at the Tauranga Marina the other day watching the world go by.

I wondered if the rock used to be a part of a bigger rock. I wondered if it was man made or how it was created. I wondered how old it was and what it weighs. I wondered what its composite materials were?

When you look at it what do you see?

Do you think I should try and sell it on Trade Me?

I post another day about what I thought after I wondered all these things. (Maybe)

Sailing on a race track

It was a beautiful day in Papamoa this morning and as with most stunning days I longed to sail, but today that seemed like just to much like hard work.

So I decided to con my brother Craig into going Blokarting . The first thing you noticed when you were walking to the race track was the silence. The same silence that you experience when you cut the motor on a yacht and move to sail power. It is incredible.

With the briefing aside we were ready to race. Team Craig with co-pilot Kyla on-board, and Team Andrew with co-pilot Talia. I'm not sure who won because we passed them more often but they did more laps. Figure that out if you please.

Kyla is convinced that they won and Talia thought it was boring so kicked back for a rest.

Anyway, in my mind it was worth the $15 for 15 minutes, although another 5 knots of breeze would have made it a heap more fun. Craig was to heavy so kept coming to a almost complete stop.

8 out of 10, will be 10 out of 10 when they can guarantee a good breeze.

A funny oxymoron

The camping ground that we are staying at as a strict no Alcohol policy. You CAN NOT bring alcohol onto the site.

So imagine my surpirse when the hand gel in the toilets is alcohol based. You would think you could get a different kind of hand gel.

Family Holiday

Today we (the Nicol family) started a traditional kiwi holiday at Papamoa.

OK, given the fact I am blogging from our caravan, maybe its not quite as traditional as kiwi holidays used to be.

A review of my blog

"In short I thought I would start shouting into the wind..."

And with those words my blog began. Like most things in my life my blog has proven to be random, distracted thoughts. It comes and goes depending on my mood and has had three major changes to its look and feel.

It will continue to change because I love change. It will continue to be random and change in writing style because I am always learning and experiencing different things.

Anyway here are a few of my favourate posts etc from each month since Aug last year.

Old Posts

Old & New  ... Lost after 3 years is the new car smell, it now has one of those car airfreshener smells . A smell that you know is hiding a potentially more potent odour, the way lighting a match in the toilet tries to hide a foul stench... read more [nb this is my most commented post a whole 3 comments]

Origin Pacific falls from the Never Never Land ... In my opinion Origin was doomed to failure before their first flight left the ground. They tried to behave and act like super powers, then align themselves with super powers like Qantas, rather than establishing profitable niche markets ... read more

Authentic Community ...I think this small business called agóge. This business with people from all over the world, with varying educations, from different religions and diverse upbringings is starting to become an authentic community ... read more

Woolgathering at 17,000 ft about the Marlborough Sounds ... I sit in the ATR, transfixed at the sight of the Marlborough Sounds out my window and grateful for the relief from a tiring day that woolgathering about the Sounds allows. ... read more

Flying an Alpha 160 ... "It is like climbing into a new car when you have been used to driving a car that is 25 years old." ... read more

Most enjoyable book

Blue like Jazz - Donald Miller.

Best quote

"I’ve always thought smack in the middle of a contradiction is a great place to be!"  Bono - U2

Cabin Pressure (2001)

I watched this movie last night about a plane that flys itself, and is hacked into by an old disgruntled employee.

Never ever ever watch this movie. Bad plot, long winded and bad acting. The most amusing thing is it was found in the horror section at the video shop.

You have been warned.

I ended the year a loser!

For those of you who know me even a little bit, you will know that I am not at all competitive. Well maybe just a little bit, ok I'm very competitive!

On New Years Eve we decided to head to the Natzkes for a BBQ and see the new year in with them and some of their friends. As the night progressed we started playing Sing Star which is always a heap of fun. Somehow (because most people were stone deaf at the beginning) I managed to have a final duel with Kris McDonald and I lost badly.

After humming my way through a song I bearly knew and being shown up as a sing star fraud (similar to Milli Vanilla in 1990) I decided to turn my hands to 500. I thought I must be able to win cards and while I won the occasional hand we lost both games. Great! what a interesting tribute to 2006.

In 500 the other night I only got the joker once, and the left or right jacks a couple of times. A night of being dealt bad hands.

Now here is the interesting thing. I play 500 like I do life (although I generally win more than I lose).

• I love to make call (even if I have nothing to play) because I like a challenge.
• If I have a really bad hand, I just want to bail.
• I can make generally turn some pretty bad hands into winners.
• I am continually reading people.

I talked to Rob about playing him at golf. May be then I could start this year a winner. :-)

The perfect cafe

I waxed lyrically in a previous post about the perfect cafe. Well the other day I got this photo from Jeff (JD) & Heather Orr in Canada.

How cool is that! What a stunning photo, the perfect winter cafe!

I wonder if it does interactive food?

The perfect cafe

I have blogged before about the interactive mocca that you buy from the 'Naked Grape' in Tauranga.

Well, now I have found an interactive Muesli in Hamilton. It's a new cafe that opened in Te Rapa called AGIO, which is Italian for 'relax'. It does average coffee, but a great Muesli. Check out the photo from my cellphone. Just pour it into your plate and you are away!

Anyway, just because there is no point to this post, I got to thinking about the perfect cafe. I think the perfect cafe would be on leisure island, I have no idea of its real name, with a view like the one taken from my PDA below, and sell interactive mocca's and muesli.

How cool would that be?

Oh and I think there is a lesson to this post and my previous one. I really need to buy a small digital camera that I can take with me wherever I go. My 1 megapixel PDA with a dirty lens simply doesn't cut it.

Woolgathering at 17,000 ft about the Marlborough Sounds.

There they are! The Marlborough Sounds.

The picture from my PDA does it little or no justice, but I simply had to take some photos. The lady in front of me had a real digital camera and I thought of asking her to email them to me, but my courageous contemplation turned to weak actions.

I sit in the ATR, transfixed at the sight of the Marlborough Sounds out my window and grateful for the relief from a tiring day that woolgathering about the Sounds allows.

I have long dreamed of chartering a yacht and sailing around the Sounds. I dream of waking up on a still, warm, sunlit and cloudless morning surrounded by little islands covered in bush and farmland. The only sound is the sound of water lapping enchantingly against the side of the boat. I dream of jumping from the side of the boat for a quick swim to remind my body it is alive. Then I dream of the mandatory cooked breakfast that has smells and aromas and tastes that can only be experienced in location such as this.

It's a dream. A long held dream. Hopefully one day it will become a reality.

Wasted Food.

By means of introduction, a gobblelygook is a device that sits in your sink, that you run water through and it mashes up the food into waste water. From there it is mixed with all sorts of waste water delights like #1’s and #2’s and other stuff and pumped to the sewage treatment plant. In Hamilton’s case the water is then pumped back out into the Waikato River upstream of the Auckland domestic water supply intact.

Auckland water … yummy yummy. The Wiggles should rerecord there song!

Anyway, the other day I was putting some left over food down the gobblelygook and a guest said I should save it for another day. They then said “think of all the staving people in Africa”. Now this is not a dig at that person, because I have heard this statement a number of times in my life and I am sure it is more about not being wasteful than anything else.

But if we were really to stop and think about all the staving people in Africa, would it really change what we throw away.  For me personally eating stale bread the next day is not my idea of fun and if I did it would not help the staving people in Africa or another place one iota.

I guess the point of this post is that there are heaps of statements that we make that really mean very little unless we are actually prepared to follow through on them. If I really thought of the staving people anywhere, and was compelled as a result, I would do stuff and give stuff (not left over bread) that would actually make a difference in their lives. If I don’t then there is little point raising it as an issue.

The person who made the comment may already do all of that, I don’t know, but I was challenged about the throw-away phrases I use that do the same thing.

Day dreaming at night

I know it is going to be a long day when I am half-way through driving to Auckland and the alarm on my phone goes off at the predetermined to tell me it is time to get up. I arrived at the Auckland office in record time 1:06, this is in part because the road was empty and my foot was slightly heavier than normal today. A sub 60 trip is looking on the cards one day.

The persistent noise in the background changes to the next track and Bono sings “Something is about to give, I can feel it coming, I think I know what it means.” I let the words sink in a little bit, and then start thinking about a decision I made on Sunday not to speak about Authentic Community. It was a huge decision for me, because I left a number of people in the lurch, but it was the right decision.

I seem to be making heaps of decisions at the moment, all the while aware that something is about to give. Some of them are well rounded decisions with great motives, others are strange decisions with little effect and a few are decisions that are simply out of character for the man I want to be.

It is interesting that each decision I make, makes the bigger decisions easier. It is like a self-perpetuating snowball running and pitching and bowling down a hillside. Each decision increases the size of the ball, each decision increases its momentum, but with each decision the ball also becomes less controllable and has the potential for a more damage if it hits the wrong thing rather than just coming to rest at the bottom of the hill.

It is the uncontrollability and potential for harm that kept me awake after Jayden woke me in the early hours of the morning.

Anyway, I am not sure if this is a post about decision making, or a post about reasons why you shouldn’t blog with a lack of sleep. I think I will go have a doze on the couch in reception until Marc arrives.

Sweat Dreams…

Lost for words

We have all seen the Oscar's or MTV awards. Someone gets an award that they just didn't expect and end up babbling into the microphone about nothing. I have, in my own opinionated way, thought it was bizarre that these stars would speak publicly so badly.

Anyway last Thursday a group of us went to the fast 50 awards. We were sitting there and they said the first award is for the Fastest Employee Growth in the Central North Island. As they said it I was struck by the fact that we might actually win this, which was something I hadn't prepared for, "and the winner is Logistics Personnel".

What the? I then tried to get my team to come up with me (their legs became rocks), I lost my way getting up the front (there were only about 100 people there) and then was lost for words. Yes you heard it correctly, I, Andrew Nicol was lost for words. I blahed something about thanking my team about ten times and promptly left the stage. To this day I can't believe it!

Later we got another award for 28th Fastest Growing Company. I had a bit more to say about living people matter and my team, but I will never get over the shock of being lost for words.

You can read my viewpoint post to see some of my thoughts about our growth.

A Riddle

Megan gave me this riddle, and as normal I couldn't get it without help.

__  __  __  __  __  __  __

1. It has 7 letters
2. It comes before God
3. It is more evil than the devil
4. Poor people have it
5. Rich people want for it
6. It you eat it you die

Post your answer in comments if you are gain.

Serendipity ...

[Sara]  Serendipity. It's one of my favorite words.
[Jonathan]  It is? Why?
[Sara]  It's such a nice sounding word for what it means: a fortunate accident. I don't really believe in accidents. I think fate is behind everything.
[Jonathan]  Oh you do?... So everything is predestined, we don't have any choice at all?
[Sara]  No, I think we make our own decisions, but fate sends us little signs and it's how we read those signs that determines whether we are happy or not.

These words from the video Serendipity, which I watched last night, got me thinking about destiny and fate and things that happen that may well be fortunate accidents.

I remember speaking with a friend a few months ago about fate and destiny. When I meet this friend it was a result of Serendipity. I rambled that I dislike the idea of destiny or fate or luck because it means I have no control over a situation (my nature of a control freak coming out again). What I was saying was that I want to have free will.

Then this morning I read Scott Adam's Dilbert Blog and he basically said we are all moist robots with no free will.

In a prior post I asked who is at fault if a guy pokes a bear with a stick and the bear kills him. Then I sweetened the pot by supposing the bear was actually an irrational guy whose religion says you need to kill people that poke you with a stick ... The correct answer, and the one that no one offered as far as I could tell, is that it was no ones fault. Not the guy with the stick, not the bear, and not the irrational religious guy. Each creature acted according to its nature and its programming, as all moist robots must.

The bear is a furry moist robot. You poke him, he mauls you. It's that simple. The bear's brain isn't equipped for free will. Neither is yours or mine.

To add to all that Paul says that "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family", then adds just a sentence later that God "is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom". This just brings heaps of questions to mind like; If God decided, how can we be free? And what if he decided not to, do we still have freedom? Are there boundaries between destiny and free-will?

It seems I may have become a fence sitter on this matter, in a serendipitous way.

Driving through changing landscapes

The expectation of change is gone, the heavy machinery that once littered the road side has moved on, the surprise changes in road layout are no longer. Finally after spending enough money to feed a small third world nation for a year, and after 10 years we have a 4 lane road from Long Swamp (just north of Huntly) connecting to the 4 lanes at Mercer, then snaking all the way into Auckland and beyond.

An element of excitement and anticipation made the drive interesting and revealing the first few of times I trundled up to the city of sails and homeward on the new road. Now that excitement is replaced by familiarity, the unknown layout and speed limits changes are replaced with the undemanding and effortless click of cruise control. For years I was excited by the prospect of speed and ease and time-saving which are all rewards that the new road has brought, yet now it feels like something is lacking. It feels like Auckland just grew, stretched its arm deeper into the Waikato and took the liveliness out of the roads, replacing it with repetitiveness and simplicity.

I miss the ever shifting landscape that construction brings and how it often provided a welcome divergence in my thinking to questions and opinions about their efforts and floundering.

The new road is fantastic but without the interest and excitement that continual change brings, it is now is just one more piece of road.

Even when driving it would seem I need change, adore change and miss change.

Time in China

A friend of mine has just spent a couple of weeks there teaching to churches in China. He was telling me how he had dinner with his parents in Auckland, a day later he wakes up in a hotel in Shanghai, and just a day after that they are woken from their sleep in a small hut in the provinces and told the police are coming. Apparently the Chinese don't take to kindly to foreigners teaching stuff other than communism. He and his two friends are loaded onto the back of mopeds and whisked away up some back tracks to avoid detection and arrest.  There was a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in a while as he recounted how the ride on the moped was like an out of body experience, it seemed so surreal. The taste of his mums stew still lingered in his mouth and he could not believe that in less than two days he had gone from the comfort of home, to escaping the authorities in a foreign country.

There is something about my friend's heart that has grown warmer since he left. His Spirituality and personality have grown from the two weeks in China and I sense that the people he taught have benefited from what he did, even though he made little mention of it. He said he was going to do the same thing next year, so that he and his friends in China can grow.

As I think about the time my friend spent on people he didn't know at great risk to himself, my mind turned to my young friend who asked me the question the other day. A huge lesson for me over the last 10 years has been the value of time.

When I was younger I used to fill my time up with activities, good ones like friends, family and entertainment. I used to spend time doing things because I thought they were a good idea without really considering there implications or true value. I still do that by the way. When I was younger I was actually more time rich than I am now, no kids or added responsibility, but I didn't perceive it that way and spent heaps of time doing ridiculous things that really didn't matter in the long run.

I wonder if I had really thought about it 10 years ago if I would have spent more time helping more people, people I don't know like people in China or Costa Rica, or homeless people in town, or just helping out in places where I get no recognition (a hard thing for a young man to do). Not all of my time just more of it, rather than basically none of it.

I am still learning about time, the problem is I keep losing it while I learn...

Old & New

My MP3 player was blasting music through earphones as I return to my cruise speed after slowing for Waharoa. The old Honda that I was bringing back from Tauranga doesn't have an AUX plug for these modern fan dangled devices. It doesn't have cruise control or nifty paddles on the steering wheel to change gears or a digital speedo. Lost after 3 years is the new car smell, it now has one of those car airfreshener smells . A smell that you know is hiding a potentially more potent odour, the way lighting a match in the toilet tries to hide a foul stench.

My foot moves slightly to adjust the manual cruise control and keep me at target speed when I hear over the music that my cellphone is ringing. A friend of mine has decided that I am sufficiently old and grey enough to ask about what I would do differently if I look back 10 - 15 years. He is really asking what would I do differently to become a better more balanced person, hmm. The first words out of my mouth were that I don't have regrets, just lessons, and that I would not be the person I am today if I hadn't done all the things I have done. It is probable I wouldn't be running Agoge, and I believe that our whole lives to date are preparation for this moment.

I have started to reflect on the question and will in time find some profound and deep words of encouragement, then wax lyrically about stories from my twenties. In the meantime I think everyone should go to Costa Rica. Now for those of you are ignorant and don't know much about this Central American country it has a population of 4.2 m (slightly bigger than NZ), 50,660 sq kilometres of land (20% the size of NZ), a GDP of $8949 (a 1/3 that of NZ) and the capital city is San Jose. They speak Spanish and 90% of the population is Roman Catholic.

All this new found awareness comes about because I was chatting to Jasmine yesterday and she said she would love to travel there. I nodded and smiled trying to look and act like a boss that had a clue. I was kind of sure Costa Rica was in Central America and I knew they spoke Spanish but that was it, save for the knowledge that Miss (Mrs) Costa Rica was accidentally given the crown for Miss World rather than the winner Miss Russia and I'm clueless why I would know that!

My face looked as blank as a clear screensaver, mind on nothing happening, so I did what I do best and asked another question. This morning I goggled Costa Rica. Maybe we should take a team of people from Agoge there? kind of like a school camp.

If I had my time again I might of travelled and sojourned more, but that would have been to the detriment of what I have already become. The new model cars are better than the old ones because the designers are looking for continual improvement. In the end we all need to understand that what we are now, is because of what the old models of us were, because of all the experiences we have had and all the choices we have made. If we continue to learn from the old model, the new model will be better.

Back in the real world

You have been there. A great relaxing, refreshing, head clearing day, and then BANG back into the real world. The kids started the day hounding me to make pancakes for breakfast, a Sunday morning ritual, I conceded. It was nice to sit around the table and have breakfast together.

We headed off to do some clothes shopping, and I managed to buy some new jeans. I am trying to overcome the "baggy pants" statement that kicks around work. Shame I didn't buy any work clothes. While we were there we bumped into Rob and family. Tracey thinks I look like a criminal with my #1 clipper cut, that was hardly kind!

Started reading the book 'through painted deserts'. I have already borrowed a line of his in yesterday's blog. It is a relaxing and distracting read.

This week brings a heap of stress. Some very big decisions to be made around people this week, and 2 huge accreditation processes on the go. It wasn't planned this way, but there you have it. This week will in many ways be one of the greatest tests of my leadership to date. I long to do the right thing. I desire and need wisdom greater than mine. I need to be strong and courageous, and I still have all the decisions I put off yesterday to deal with.

It will be a telling week.

Shouting into the wind

I have for a long time had this desire to write. The problem is I lack the self discipline to generate a book and to be honest the ideas that would make a good book

So I thought I would give blogging a go. I decided to call it 'Agoge meets Andrew' because Agoge means 'being'. It means more than just saying something, or telling others to do something, it means 'being what you say and teach'. I want to be true to the word Agoge, and true to the way I live my life. True to the company and people that make up agoge.com

My blog will be random, distracted thoughts by someone with a big personality and baggy pants. Well that's what some of my friends would say! I thought I would start what is effectively a journal in the real world. A journal that few people will read, if any. A journal that might just by default give some poor beggar an insight into what spins around in my brain on a daily basis. I also hope to teach myself to paint better word pictures to describe stuff. I am sure these will fail often. Sorry in advance.

In short I thought I would start shouting into the wind...